Mally has been meowing excessively tonight and it’s been driving me nuts. She doesn’t sound sick or hurt, just bored.
Cry me a river, Mallory Pancakes! How weird that I’m bitter towards my cat. Well, not bitter, I just wish I had the luxury of boredom. I do have occasional blankness. Willful shutdowns. I can’t think about everything all the time… I can‘t bear it.
My dad is out of the hospital. He won the battle but is still fighting the war. He’s really sick. My mom is out of town and I’m not on speaking terms with her (my choice). I’ve been helping my dad, and while I don’t enjoy the fact that he’s sick (obviously), at least I am able to be and feel useful.
Why the silence? My mom accidentally texted me saying something really unpleasant and I’m disgusted about it. Well well well, it looks like we aren’t as churchy as we thought we were, are we. Ugh.
I should forgive her because we’re all human and she’s allowed to feel how she feels. But so am I. At least she’s out of town. Maybe things will calm down in the meantime. They’ll have to. I said horrible, horrible things to her. I feel a little bad about it even though I suppose I’m not technically in the wrong. It was a gut punch hearing how she really feels.
Hurting people who have hurt me only makes the ugliest parts of me sneer for about 5 minutes. It’s not that satisfying. That’s surely because I’m not a sociopath and have a generally warm nature.
I’m on Pretty Little Liars book 6. It’s hard to read the love scenes. It’s a reminder that that aspect of life might never be accessible to me again. I guess deep down I want it. Or maybe I just want the security of knowing I won’t have to kill bugs or install appliances alone.
Washing machine installer partner, where you at?
I’m dismayed that I’m now addicted to ”Unicorn Rainbow” energy drinks. Yes, that’s a real flavor. It would be more correct to call it “Unicorn Battery Acid”, but it is still drinkable. I feel like trailer trash when I drink energy drinks instead of my usual black coffee. Not that people who drink energy drinks are trailer trash, it’s just that my affinity for black coffee has always made me feel sophisticated.
According to my Grandma, that’s how the upper crust of the 1930s took their coffee. It would be nice to know I’m impressing by Great-Great ghosts of whatevers by doing this one thing. Not that it matters 90 years later
My cousin is pregnant with twins, which is pretty random. I guess I can now say “twins run in my family” and that can be a lagging conversation restarter at parties. At parties I never go to. Hah! Parties + People = Pass. That’s not even a clever thing to say. I’m lagging.
So that’s been my week. It should be bedtime now.
Sending my love to all of my rainbow unicorns.
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