Late night writing:
#1 -
Part of me hopes that certain people I think about regularly never (or rarely) think about me because I would rather remain pure in their eyes.
I hope that makes sense.
Okay... I know it doesn’t. Because whatever people think of me, I can’t reach out and touch that, or become it again. Not to mention that other people make bad mirrors.
Still, for some of the people I love the most, I’d rather be kept under glass. But definitely not a magnifying glass, more like a snow globe.
Keep the good memories. But don’t break in.
#2 -
I can’t predict who will see this, or anything that I’ve written, and climb inside their head and see how I’m sized up.
There are times I wish I did know.
Because I question my own motives and behavior a lot. I see my relationships with others shrink, expand, and then shrink again. I try to look deeper and deeper.
I throw my crazy around too quickly and expect other people to accept it, because I’m willing to accept a lot of crazy myself.
And I know crazy is the strong and wrong word. But it’s the common word. I guess I’m really referring to the raw, secret self. I am all raw self.
#3 -
I surely scare people away because they just expect intensity or strangeness to keep building when really, this is the worst of it. Right here and now. I’m giving you a fair warning.
#4 -
Despite all of this, I love myself. I really do. I’ve grown into an appealing package, either in spite of or because of myself.
I love myself because I know how to love others. I love myself because I am constantly proving myself both right and wrong. I know how to learn. I make the effort to get back up even though there’s a certainty that I will fall down again. I am sunny and serious and silly.
And I’m happy in my way.
✌️✌️✌️
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