Thanksgiving is over. You know what that means.... "Christmas time is here." 🎵 (caroling and cheer?) - or however the Charlie Brown song goes. Charlie Brown is so pure.
I had a work soirée on Wednesday. I was the only vegetarian and non-drinker. The office alien, if you will. I've given up drinking COMPLETELY. I will never drink again. Obviously it hasn't been a good idea for quite some time due to medical reasons, but let's be real - I probably could have snuck a glass of wine or two without dropping dead. Well, alcohol is dead to me now. Yay sober life. Not that I was ever an alcoholic. Food/shopping are my drugs of choice. And the internet.
But anyways... my shift starts in 8 hours and I'm wide away. Super duper. My heart was heavy today. Probably because I only left the house to do a grocery pickup. I haven't replaced my toxic monologue yet. I can't stand the acute mental sensation of "blankness" - I'm always conjuring up unlikely scenarios - brain chatter, if you will. Preparing for the best or worst, however unlikely either may be. Predicting the future. I just want to know, dammit. It comes from a lack of faith, I think. God knows and sees things I don't... so if I find myself wondering "Why isn't XYZ happening!?" I have to just take a step back and remember that God's timing is everything and my knowledge is incomplete. Pathetically incomplete and based on my own insecurities and desires in any given moment. I MUST trust God. Must. It will take practice unlearning these things though, damn.
Well... I should try to sleep. Goodnight, chair. Goodnight, desk. Goodnight, moon. (Shoutout to this childhood classic, because sure why not.)
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