*Wipes off small layer of dust*
So, what's new that's worth reporting? What's new that I can RESPONSIBLY report? (note to self - discretion is more mandatory than ever.) Hell, what's NOT worth reporting that I could still twist into a vaguely amusing yarn?
Life is tornadoing by. "Whizzing by" died for me in 2022. People say that too much. Wake up, shower, scurry around, make and take phone calls... supervisor level maneuverings on my plate now. It can all be hard to turn off right after I clock out. My brain is constantly strategizing, anticipating scenarios, analyzing problems from different angles... better than stagnancy and boredom though. That's for damn sure.
Hey! Something fun on the horizon! Going to see Alex Michaelides this Thursday and inhaling "The Maidens" (his next to last book) - that was the crux of my weekend. It's pretty good. Simple enough phrasing and terminology for us simple simple laypeople to understand (it's set in Cambridge and has all of these Greek mythology references - the hell do I remember about that off the top of my head? Thank God he breaks the references down. I haven't been in Freshman English in 18 years.) So I'm not drowning in grandiloquence or anything. Did you have to Google "grandiloquence?" I did. I didn't want to say "overly complicated wording" so I threw in an overly complicated word instead.
Now you can say reading this blog wasn't a complete waste of your time.
My Christmas tree is still up. It makes my cat happy. That's my excuse. We had a minor freeze here last week. It was rainy today. I feel estranged, invisible, and isolated on the Sunday nights when I go the entire weekend with no face to face human contact. Well, more so than usual. I regularly feel misunderstood and disconnected. How are other people supposed to understand my life? Sometimes I look back and see a conga line of bizarre scenarios and trauma. I can't relate to primarily healthy people. I like them, but there will always be a disconnect.
Others see me as a safe and active listener. Safe in general. All sorts of people dump out the contents of their heart to me. "I've never told anyone this before." - I've heard that from the lips of friendly acquiantances. I'm grateful that I have a few incredible listeners but they have not experienced my specific challenges. Part of it comes from the dynamic with my brother which complicates more facets of my life than one would initially assume.
Going forward I just have to paint by numbers. The paint = my attitude. My faith. My choice to love harder. Only God knows what is written in my future.
"A normal life is boring." - Eminem.
That too.
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