Work Christmas party last Wednesday was lively. I won an iPad! I mean, I HAVE an iPad... that works... this is a newer iPad. Nothing wrong with backup electronics, am I right?
There were 3 TVs the size of ponies that I was terrified of winning. None of them would have fit in my car. Not to mention, where the hell would I put them in my house? The logistics of winning one were very intimidating. I'm so glad the people that actually wanted them won them, while I got something small and sweet!
Tonight I attended a Zoom "Q&A Book club session" affiliated with my writing program. A moderator (and fellow author) interviewed this month's featured writer/professor who just published his first memoir. He read some excerpts and there was a discussion. It was very interesting.
I had a simple and perfect (pure) moment yesterday. I played the original 1980 Strawberry Shortcake pilot episode on my iPad for my cat. I sang along with the opening theme song - which I still have memorized from my days watching this show at the Lifetime Fitness Child Center. Oh, the weird and specific things you do for fun you live alone.... anyways, Mal legit watched Strawberry Shortcake for awhile which amused me to no end.
This filled me with love (for her) and an appreciation my life, and my future. A wholesome, brief surge of joy. I haven't had an experience like that in months. I'm not as mindful of the simple joys as I should be.
Laughing at Strawberry Shortcake on the couch with my cat may as free and happy as I ever get.... snickering at cuteness and innocence. This is okay with me though. Simple moments are easier to replicate.
My therapist retired last Wednesday. It's surreal. I treated with her for the better part of a decade. I have a new one lined up... but am aprehensive. Thr last words my therapist sent me off - as she let got of holding the bike and encouraged me to pedal away safely - "Don't give up." I teared up and said I wouldn't.
I meant it when I said it. The problem is - you have to MEAN the right things most the time in order for them to stick, and act accordingly. I want to mean it. It can be hard to fight your own baseline. There's a lot if panic, desperation, and terror in my baseline.
Falling asleep now, kids.
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