Intro: I’ve gotten revenge in my lifetime.
First question: Was it justified? Without going into detail... ABSOLUTELY.
Second question: What were you trying to do?
Answer: Flip the power dynamic so that it would become heads I win, tails you lose.
Or is that true?
What if we are just two sides of the same coin, the same horrible event? First you hurt me, so I hurt you. Keep flipping the coin. You started it, I’ll finish it. One of us is gonna land face down eventually. It’s not gonna be me, so I’m going to keep hurling it around.
Last question: So they ended up face down. What did it do for you?
Answer: It gave me a temporary sense of power that made the ugliest parts of me sneer.
The takeaway: Standing up for yourself in a toxic situation is more powerful and liberating than revenge. And standing up for yourself often means LEAVING it.
Don’t flip the coin. Destroying what destroys you only works if you are also a sociopath.
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