Every time I’ve been in a situation that’s frightening or that I didn’t feel prepared to handle - and I REFUSED to react with panic, shame (even if it was my fault) or engaging in an abusive/self-destructive thought pattern because I felt like I deserved it, I’ve already won. Because I’ve thrown the middle finger to shame.
I guess my point is:
Life is hard. Nobody is well adjusted all the time. But you (and I) should try to be well adjusted at least some of the time, so we can enjoy our lives. And stop being so embarrassed, because we’re all big weirdos, and that isn’t necessarily bad unless it is hurting someone.
My message to you:
If you’re ever been ashamed of your poor choices, it’s likely that you’re not a sociopath. Which means that you’re not a waste, and can probably change.
Reasons you shouldn’t shame yourself:
Every bad habit comes from somewhere. Babies aren’t born abusing or shaming themselves.
That doesn’t mean you should throw blame to others, or your family, like wedding bubbles or confetti. We are still responsible for our own behavior.
BUT.. it’s also important to realize that we aren’t fundamentally defective just because we’ve done something destructive.
Other people have hurt me. I’ve hurt other people by passing the hurt around. Who knows which came first? But... I’m not bad.
Sometimes we’ve taken in too much world... And then we hate ourselves for sponging it up, when really we should try to return to our goodness.
There are no new bad habits. If you’ve ever done it, someone else has done it before.
And someone has beaten it. But they didn’t beat it by shaming themselves. Healing is made of awareness and forgiveness. I refuse to rot from the inside out.
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