New Year’s Eve Eve and am currently without my car. Unfortunate turn of events = my car is undergoing an extensive… uhhh… series of repairs.
But you know what? It can be fixed. That’s all I care about. The Smurfette (my blue Hyundai) aka “Dr. Smurf” and I will continue to have fun adventures and you know, take care of the business of life.
I’ve been working from home a lot. Another extraordinary blessing - to have that flexibility.
I spent a solid 30 minutes praying out loud today for everyone I could think of that may benefit from it. Former coworkers, friends, family… in no particular order. Usually I just generically pray for peace and strength for everyone - and that those in the worst situations are able to find even a small flash of joy somewhere in each day. I don’t often pray for “outcomes.” It seems too…. Maybe… arrogant?
I am trying to get in the habit of doing this more because I did see God come through for me in a huge way recently. I won’t spill out the whole story, but something moderately awful that I was dealing with turned out in a favorable way. I had no hope it would. I still don’t understand HOW this favorable outcome was decided because it was unusual given the set of circumstances? I just feel like it had to have been divine intervention. (No, it was not a legal issue. I have no legal issues.)
Circling back to the title of this entry which is a shoutout to God AND Kurt Cobain (in 7th grade of course, there was no difference between the two.)
“Truth, comfort, and security.” Those are the opening lines to a Nirvana song. My adolescent obsession with Nirvana has linked these three words inextricably to the recesses of my mind. When I hear the word “truth”, the words “comfort and security” sometimes gallop to the front of my mind along with the catchy bass chords.
I think prayer is bringing me closer to understanding all three of these concepts. When I pray, I am forced into the corner with whatever itching TRUTH I have been trying to ignore. I have to put truth/reality in words and ask for help in order to GET assistance.
Comfort and security are pretty self explanatory and I live with a greater faith that each are more possible than I once thought as my relationship with God evolves.
Side note - I prayed for a man I am trying to stop hating tonight. I’m not saying this to argue for my womanly sainthood. I don’t know why I’m documenting it at all. I’m just surprised I was able to do this. There have been times I thought: “If this man died suddenly, I would be very relieved. He couldn’t hurt anyone else the way he hurt me and other women. He can rot.”
Honestly, I didn’t pray for this man’s peace or happiness. I prayed for his recovery. I prayed that he is able to change for the sake of well, his mangled soul and the public. In order for him to recover, he would truly have to come to terms with what he did and who he is/was as well. He is, by probably anyone’s definition, mentally disturbed. I didn’t say MENTALLY ILL. He has a warped desire to harm and control others. Even the ones he supposedly “loves.” I love you so much but enjoy seeing you in pain? That’s a sign of a disturbed soul. “Something Went Wrong.”
I do not want to hold on to hate anymore.
Truth: He is gone. He is not my problem now. NONE of my problems will last forever.
Comfort: I am, and always have been, surrounded by people who love and support me.
Security: All of God’s promises. None of us will ever be abandoned.
All I can do is try damn hard to heal.
All anyone can do is heal. Let us not feel powerless. Let us ask for help. Let us all have hope because we are loved.
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